Why this blog?
I am Leighton Tebay. Seven years ago I shifted into my new career as a counsellor. Early on in my internship/practicum I had a client who suffered from trauma and I wasn’t convinced that what I was trained in wouldn’t be able to help. How come? Because I had experienced a severe betrayal trauma and learned you can’t heal trauma by changing your thinking. Trauma impacts parts of the nervous system that aren’t the ones we use to think.
I learned a powerful way to help people heal
I did some research and I landed on an approach to trauma called Internal Family Systems or IFS for short. While it certainly is unconventional compared to typical talk therapy I found that most of my clients got well faster using it. It was weird, but all effective trauma therapy is weird, and IFS resonated with me the most. Combined with something called attachment theory and it gave me a new perspective on being human.
There are two big things about IFS that are different from regular talk therapy.
- In IFS we see the human mind is more like a committee than a single decision maker like a king or queen. If you’ve ever found yourself saying “part of me really wants to take that new job” and “part of me is afraid that I can’t do it” you can get one aspect of IFS. When we process decisions it’s like different tracks of our mind weighs the values and options, and it all blends back together when we come to a decision.
- The other thing that is different about IFS is that the process of the therapy is having the therapist coach you as you talk directly to these different parts.
IFS is really good at helping people figure out what is going on inside of them. Help them find out why they do the things they do. It is kind of like opening the door to the basement of your mind.
Theme and insights emerged from my work
After a few thousand hours of doing this with people I started to see some themes. It has been a window in to human nature, and it gave me a whole new perspective on how people change, how they heal, and why we do the things we do, especially when we don’t want to do them.
There are some things in IFS that Christians will differ on. Some where IFS rightfully challenges some of the assumptions Christians have. This blog will explore what I’ve observed, how it has challenged my thinking, and how people can heal. In many ways I found my Christian theology very compelling, but I have ended up looking at some concepts from a different angle.
What you can look forward to
Some of the things I will explore:
- How we get trapped in the cycle of doing things we don’t want to do
- How love really can heal wounds
- Gentleness, kindness and patience are underrated virtues when helping others
- The role of authenticity in personal growth
- Why we can carry hurt for so long
- Biblical concepts like sin, the flesh, love, grace, living by the Spirit, sanctification, and suffering
- How we can truly change
- Why grace and faith are keys to healing as well as salvation
- Why it’s so hard to take in love sometimes
- How the monks got some things really right
- We need each other more than we realize
- Self-compassion and self-acceptance are the starting point to transformation
- How sin and shame work together to rupture our relationship with God
- How to use components of trauma informed therapy and attachment therapy to go from coping to thriving in life
One thing I’ve learned, regardless of your past, what you have done, what has been done to you, God has deemed you worthy of love, acceptance, belonging, inclusion, and a purpose.
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